It wasn’t the leaving it behind part that left me stumped.
It was leaving halfway through the semester that gave me pause. Because why wouldn’t I just stay and finish the class?
This wasn’t an ordinary “I hate college” situation. No, I was thri-ving! I was two and a half semesters into the greatest comeback story of my life.
And I had the grades to match. Your girl got an A in anatomy and physiology during a 10-week Summer semester.
I was riding high, okay? 😌
I had gone from dropping out of college at 18, 19, & 20 with a lack of focus, poor mental health, and a developing addiction…
To going back to college at 38 with the confidence, know-how, and motivation to succeed.
Because I put in the emotional, mental, and spiritual work to get myself there. But there I was…
In the middle of the fall semester, on a Saturday, having a spiritual experience that completely knocked me on my ass…and I was pissed.
But that’s a story for another day.
The point is, it felt like I woke up in a life I didn’t want, and the plans I had flushed out for my future had crumbled. It was giving Thanos. 🫰
By the time I got to class on Monday, it wasn’t looking good, and by Wednesday…
It was worse because I was not vibing with the lecture. I was lost, impatient, and ready to go. I was done, and I could feel it.
By the time I got to the lab, I knew for sure. I knew because I felt this fear wash over me, and that fear told me what was coming. This is it…
My college experience and plans to be a holistic psychiatric nurse practitioner were coming to an end.
As I left school that day, my eyes watered. This beautiful journey was over, and I was walking into the unknown with no destination. Scary shit.
You’re probably thinking, damn, that’s messed up. But it didn’t feel messed up. It felt right. I could go against my gut and try to force myself through 8 years of school, or…
I could trust what I was feeling from my soul, which was…
It’s time to move.
The hard part is what came next. I had a decision to make, and I had two options:
I could force myself to finish out the semester and get another A 🥳…
Or, I could withdraw in the middle of the semester, screw up my financial aid record (again), and take the W.
Well, I had been practicing listening to my intuition, and after three days of pondering, I decided to ask a question out loud…
Should I finish out the semester?
I got no, then yes, and then no again. But then I got…
I need to be comfortable with leaving things unfinished.
Now wait a minute! Say what now?
I didn’t see that coming because that’s not how humans roll. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of how we roll. We must finish what we start or else…
We feel incomplete…
Or like we left something behind…
Or like we have unfinished business…
Or like we’ll be judged.
But that’s exactly how I knew I needed to listen. Because intuition isn’t logical. It won’t make sense to the human brain.
Fortunately, I knew I had been holding on to careers I felt I had left unfinished. Phlebotomy, nursing, esthetics…I didn’t want to let them go.
But that had changed because my big spiritual bang made it easy to let things go.
And the faster I let things end, the faster I could start a new beginning. A new timeline.
So, late Sunday night, I mustered up the courage and pulled up the withdrawal page on my laptop.
When I switched my course status to student withdraw online, I said, “Whoa, this is scary.” And then I took screenshots, of course, lol. This was a big moment.
And then I did it.
I clicked the submit button, and the status changed to withdrawn. It was done.
When I checked in with my body, it didn’t feel scary. I didn’t feel fear. I felt exhilarated. It was a new feeling for me, so I leaned forward to feel it from another angle, lol.
Wait…that’s joy! Pure joy!
Well, this was different. Since when does leaving things unfinished feel good? Anyway, when the dust settled…
I realized I had a foreshadowing during the Spring and Summer semesters.
I have journal entries documenting the days when I woke up, and things just felt…different. I experienced loss of identity, non-attachment, and questioned if nursing was really my path.
So this seemingly unexpected, disruptive, well-intended spiritual experience wasn’t just out of the blue. It had been brewing all along.
I also recalled the things I had specifically asked for, which were truth and release…and that’s exactly what I got.
But I needed to be comfortable with leaving things unfinished so that I could let them go.
Whew! What a lesson. Just when you think you know where you’re headed. 🙃
Sometimes we get the experience we need from a situation, and then it’s time to move on…right smack in the middle of it.
Will it ever come back around?
Who’s to say? I’m just happy I trusted my intuition. ✨
What’s something you’ve left unfinished or wish you could let go of?
Share in the comments. Let’s chat about it.